Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
