I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
