So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
