Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
