i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
