Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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