Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
