All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
