Fine. I'll sleep in my office
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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