in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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