and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
