Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
