i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
