he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
