i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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