whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
