You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I looked at my own cervix.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
