you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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