I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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