Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
