By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
