Whats the glycemic index on semen?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
