Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
