Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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