just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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