so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
