The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
