You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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