soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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