hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I touched a dick in church today
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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