For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
