I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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