There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
