Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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