why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
