i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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