Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
