I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
