Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
how drunk are you?
Several
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
