I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
