Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
