I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
