Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
These tits shall not be calmed
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
