I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
