You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
