It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
