I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
