you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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