The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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