apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
