I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
